It’s official, I love Thanksgiving. I don’t know much about holidays. As a matter of fact, I don’t know much about history, don’t know much biology, don’t know much about a science book and I’ve never taken French. But a holiday in which all you do is eat, wow, who would’ve thought? (Mental note regarding not taking French lessons: find French tutor as soon as possible. I must get back to my roots. Maybe I’ll go to Berlitz instead. I understand they have a solid, reputable learning system. I could learn enough to socialize with my relatives when I go to France and perhaps even figure out what “Foux du Fafa” means.)
Turkey day is the first big holiday of my life, the first I remember, anyway. Though one could argue that the Fourth of July is just as major a holiday. I was still a little too young at the time to appreciate that one. Plus, it’s more of a drinking than an eating holiday and I’m a teetotaler at heart. I think Thanksgiving would’ve been better were my folks, not vegetarians—I mean really, no turkey on Thanksgiving? What sort of weirdos are they? No meat? Don’t get me wrong, my siblings and I eat meat, however, mom and dad don’t. And what do I care, you ask? Why judge? To each his own, you say? Well, normally I’d agree, but this is inconvenient because it directly affects my dietary intake. Case in point, nearly three hundred million turkeys sacrifice their lives each year in the U.S. for Thanksgiving. Three hundred million and I couldn’t get one? Just one?!?!! So, mom and dad are vegetarians, so what, I say! Couldn’t they buy a turkey anyway and let the rest of us eat it? I would’ve been happy to share it with Chester and Pepe, provided there was some sort of sweet potato dish as well.
I’ve never actually tasted turkeys, however, they look like overgrown chickens to me and I love me a good piece of chicken. Plus, turkeys are so big that we could’ve had leftovers, which I hear are tastier than the original version. Heck, I would’ve even been happy with a Canadian goose. I could’ve caught it myself; they’re everywhere in our neighborhood.
Mom told me that, besides eating, I had to take some time to thank God for all His blessings. To that end, I made a list: I am thankful for my family, friends, health, kibble, treats, Picardness, looks, personality, wit, talent, IQ and, most of all, for not being a turkey. I don’t think turkeys have anything to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. What kind of a destiny is that for a turkey? I’d rather not think about it. Let’s just have a moment of silence for the poor gobblers. Anyway, it would seem that I am fascinated by major holidays. I hear that this Christmas one is a real doozy, too. It obviously must be because we all dressed up for a Christmas photo. Apparently, my family makes a Christmas card photo every year. See what I mean? Weirdos. I’m not going to tell you what they made us wear because it’s somewhat embarrassing and I don’t want to relive it, you’ll just have to see it for yourself.