Chester & Rodney – Pull!

Who invented frisbees? Whoever did so should be knighted, or dayed, or whatever. What’s so great about frisbees, you ask? Well, if you have to ask, you’ve clearly never played with one. What could be greater than a flying disc? I really enjoy chasing them and highly recommend you give them a shot. Well, don’t actually shoot them, we’re not talking skeet here. I believe those types of discs are made of clay. Pull!

Mom and I play daily with frisbees. She throws them for me, and I catch the ones that stay up in the air long enough. It’s challenging because mom doesn’t throw very well, so sometimes they’re up in the air for all of a nanosecond. What can I say? No matter how proficient a guy is at catching an object mid-flight, there’s no catching some of those. I just pick them up off the ground and run them back to mom so she’ll throw them again. I wish we could play for hours, but Mom tires long before I do. I must admit that I’ve gotten really good at multitasking. I have to keep my eyes on the frisbee, while at the same time looking ahead, so I don’t run into anything. After all, who wants to body slam a goose and get a mouthful of feathers? Plus those guys aren’t as friendly as you might think, and if frightened, they’d most likely attack. That would be an ugly fight, which I’d probably win, though there’s no telling because geese tend to gang up on one.

Mom says that a group of five geese is called a gaggle. I had never heard that word before so I had to look it up. The internet explains that a gaggle is eight fifty-pound bags of salt. So it would seem that five geese are made up of four hundred pounds of salt. Due to this, I’ve come up with a fantastic idea. I’ve started rounding geese up and keeping them in a small area outside the apartment. Every morning, I re-group my geese into a tight little circle and count them—which, mind you, is not the same as counting your chickens before they hatch. I plan on keeping them there and awaiting a snowstorm. I will then sell them to the highest bidder to pulverize. I can’t do it myself because I lack the necessary equipment. What would one use to pulverize geese anyway?

In any event, once in crystalline form, the geese can be sprinkled onto roadways to melt the ice, so cars get a better grip. This will also help control the goose overpopulation. It’s a win-win situation, though I’m sure said geese would beg to differ. Speaking of win-win, I snuck out of the house by myself again today. This time, I made it to a Whole Foods grocery store. That’s where Mom and Dad get their groceries, so I thought I could find something more exciting for us kids to eat. Anything sounds more exciting than our usual kibble. All I can say about that place is wow! Seriously, win-win. I went on an adventure and ate like a king. I sampled everything, everything! That is, of course, until I was “invited” to leave the store. Some nimrod started with the “no dogs allowed” garbage, there was a small scuffle, and voila! Off with their heads! Yes, a few people lost their heads. Or is the expression lost their minds? No matter. I was promptly escorted out in a most humiliating way, with a bottle of Hint water in my paw, mouth full of nacho chips, and organic salsa on my mustache. I made the mistake of going sans disguise today, big mistake… huge. Next time I go grocery shopping, I must pull out the sunglasses, hat, and trench coat.